She was 15 years old when she found out that she would never be able to create life. How could this be, she was a young woman, uterus bearing creature created to help keep the species alive, what could have been the issue and why was she being punished? After all, she did not ask that man to forcefully take what was not given to him. She didn't ask to be left alone with this creep who found her diminutive sculpture to be this irresistible.
There she was, a virgin and proud. The last in her school, so it seemed and excited to start this new job helping people begin their journeys to sobriety. Soup kitchens, shelters, prisons, it didn't matter, she would talk to and help this people with enthusiasm and vigor to achieve sobriety. The man she worked with was one that the family called Uncle So and So. How would they know that this fictive kin member brewed a malice in his heart that would only be found out that one faithful day.
She gleamed at the idea that he found her to be so helpful and good at her job. She reveled in the notion that it couldn't get done without her. She looked at Uncle So and So with such admiration because he made these people's dreams come true at any cost. Little did she know that she would soon become another victim in the front that he put on as Good Samaritan.
Back at the church where his company's office was based out of she sat writing her notes for the day, to hand in. This bright eyed bushy tailed junior in high school was elated about the three people that she had convinced to give themselves a chance by entering 28 day rehabs to kick cocaine, alcohol and heroin. The lights shut as her adored boss Uncle So and So approached her from behind. She asked why the lights had been turned off and before she would utter the word off, she felt the warm tingling sensation of a hand across the left side of her face. To the floor she fell wondering why she was now being mauled. She fought with all her might but this three time felon, with the strength of ten men was too much for her to get away from. She struggled and struggled until her now limp body was being violated in ways that she had only seen on an occasional movie. Her cries or help as her virginity was being taken from her went unheard in the top floor church office. For so long she questioned what kind of God would allow for this to happen to her after all that her minor 15 years of life had already dealt her.
Those words were the worst that she could hear in that doctors office after her six day hospital stay, escaping ICU after the first two. "I'm sorry Ms. ,,, but due to the scar tissue, you will not be able to have children". She sorrowfully cried at the thought of not being able to bring God's gifts into the world on her own. She did not know that there was a miracle in store for her.
Over the next decade in a half God blessed her with three beautiful and loving relationships, none of which were able to produce the miracle of childbirth that she had secretly longed for. Her college love, patient and kind; her post college love, experienced and true; and her subsequent relationship honorable and masculine were never enough to create precious life. She had given up and began to live life for the moment, for she didn't have to worry about being tied down with her own children. She could come and go as she pleased and give all of that love to her Godchildren that blessed her life. Her next relationship was based on pure fun, after all, she worked hard had a demanding career and felt like she could take the break from ensuring a possible father and giving husband for a regular Joe who presented something different to her life. Their chemistry was remarkable. Their love...epic! She had no idea what was to occur.
Along with fun and different came drama and fatigue from a man that had unpacked baggage. She ignored the signs because the world looked in on their love and saw brilliance. They didn't quite understand this match but it worked for them. Two years into this steamy romance, was the first sign of morning sickness, fatigue and lightheadedness. Oh my..."could this be true?" She was pregnant. For the first time in thirty years, she had conceived! What a joyous occasion...until she lost that baby to a miscarriage six weeks later. Given all the signs that perhaps this, at once a blissful pair, may not survive the drama from his needy, troublemaking ex, they tried again...a month later the jackpot was hit again with more morning sickness and a positive home pregnancy test, a celebration was in order. After arriving to the first scheduled appointment, she was not allowed to leave the hospital...her little baby was in her tube and about to wreak havoc on mommies life. Another disappointment broke her heart. Another 8 weeks later, oil struck the Texan uterus again, joy, joy and more joy until the sorrowful morning when she lost her third baby via miscarriage.
She had given up...they had given up. How much more could she endure she thought? How much longer must her light shine before it is just extinguished altogether? That morning she woke up feeling nauseous, there was almost no excitement that she could muster up. In fact, she nearly threw the digital home pregnancy test clear across her 7 bedroom home, hoping that it would shatter into many pieces after it shared its positive sign with her! Why was God playing these practical jokes on her she wondered??? Why would He be so cruel??? She shared the news with her partner of her now tormented relationship. Surprisingly, he made her feel good about this and they celebrated...Celebrated with a strip tease that ended with her being upside down and right side left. There was the passion that they had shared for nearly three years, before all of the desperate dagger throwing from his Ex began; before she found out about the other women and before she stopped trusting this man. It was phenomenal, they made love alllll night long. In ways they never had before.
His screeching tires pulled up in front of the hospital, she couldn't move, agonizing pain prevented her from having consciousness and he was even scared that next morning. He didn't understand what type of pain caused her to nearly convulse as he raced her to the hospital at top speed. They explained to the Attending's that she had just found out that she was pregnant and that it was the fourth pregnancy in the last six months. That she had already had one in her tube that nearly ruptured and that the couple was scared that she may be bleeding internally from another ectopic pregnancy gone terribly wrong. The doctors of the posh hospital did all they could to immediately find out what was going on...190 beats per minute, securely inside the uterus there laid a miracle on its way. Her baby was not lost this time, it was not in her tubes and she could finally hear a heartbeat from her body that was not her own. They successfully implanted the seeds of life in the right spot to ten months later be her very first child and his very first daughter.
Oh, that pain that she felt... a ruptured vessel on her abdomen, probably from all that celebratory positioning the couple shared. She is now the proud mother of a beautiful baby girl that has, this far, brought her a years' worth of shear bliss and joy. She never imagined a life being so fulfilled as it has been over the last year. The baby broke her tailbone in the delivery room, where her baby girl was born to finger popping nurses and doctors, where Maxwel soulful melody filled the air and Miracle's were created.
Strength and patience will help you to endure the most trying of situations. You deserve happiness so never give up on life, love or yourself. Stay Blessed, yours truly...
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